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Ask AJ: Valentine’s Day Edition

posted by amber

posted by Amber-Joi // 2.14.11

Last Minute Gift Ideas > For the FELLAS!

Hey fellas! Did you wait until the last minute to get your special lady a Valentine’s Day gift? You are not alone. But, you are IN TROUBLE! If you are still empty handed, my guess is that you can no longer get a reservation at a decent restaurant and that dress she wanted from BCBG is no longer available in her size.  So here are a few last minute Valentine Gift ideas. Because LATE is better than NEVER.

1)      Jewelry – They may sell out of dresses, but there is no shortage on fine jewelry. A nice bracelet or necklace never disappoints. And when I say nice, I mean nice!

Nestology at the King of Prussia is good spot to try. They carry jewelry from local Philly artists. And you can’t go wrong with Tiffany’s.

2)      Make Dinner – The mere thought of a man in the kitchen makes his woman smile. It is probably too late to get the reservations you wanted. But it’s not too late for you to throw down. Get in the kitchen and show her what you got. OR if you are completely helpless… order take out and throw it on the table with some candles. Dim the lights, throw on some slow jams and if she really likes you, you are set!!! I promise.

Dibruno Brothers in Center City is a great place to pick up dinner items!

3)      Electronics – Stick to what you know! We ladies like to have the latest toys too. Upgrade her to the iPhone 4, so you can have some face time. Or if you really love her, buy her the iPad!

Better call to get an appointment first. Especially if you are going to King of Prussia.

4)      Massage- Everyone likes to be pampered. And spas never run out of gift cards. Go to the spa closest to you…. NOW!  And if you want brownie points give her a massage tonight.

There are so many Toppers, Eviama, Pure Bliss, Heaven and so on…

5)      Floral Arrangement- You can get her flowers in addition to another gift.  But this can not be you’re only gift.  If you want to try something different you get her an edible arrangement. I think those are extra special. But whatever you do… do not go to grandma’s garden and pick flowers or to the local grocery store either. We can tell!!!

Try Overhill Flowers on Lancaster Avenue. 

Ok. Fellas. If this doesn’t work on her… You know how to win my heart! ;) Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

And ladies, I know you are reading too. Treat yourself to something special even if he doesn’t. BE GOOD TO YOU!

 

Ask AJ: “My Boyfriend Watches Sports TOO MUCH!!!”

posted by amber

posted by Amber-Joi // 5.23.10

Dear AJ, My boyfriend watches sports all of the time, he’s obsessed! It’s so boring for me. I can’t stand it. I feel he loves sports more than he loves me. What should I do???

Hi! Thank you so much for your question. This is a great one…

First of all, you should probably be grateful that it’s sports that your boyfriend is obsessed with, as opposed to less tolerable things, like other women, porn and other unbearable habits. We all have our vices, and in my opinion you should really be thankful that you’re dealing with something  so trivial. If this is your biggest problem with your boyfriend… you don’t have much of a problem at all.

There are a few things that I suggest…

First, I suggest you give sports a chance! They really aren’t so bad. My college boyfriend was obsessed with football. In the beginning, I too thought it was pretty obnoxious. I mean, I would sit through an entire game with him, and he would have the nerve to watch highlights after the fact!!! Then, he would want to watch the same highlights on Sports Center throughout the week. He even had the audacity to play MADDEN during halftime!!! I didn’t get it. Why did we have to watch the same stuff over and over again!?! Pretty obnoxious. To top it off, it wasn’t just NFL; he had to watch college football too… And the draft. And when March Madness came (yes I know March Madness is Basketball)…just forget it. We were glued to the TV set. This lead to approximately 365 of sport spectating.

I quickly came to the conclusion that he just loved sports and if I was going to make this thing work I was going to have to start loving sports too.  Before I knew it, “Voila” I started to like the stuff to. When you consume so much one thing, you start to learn and appreciate what’s going on. When you become familiar with the teams and players, you start to like the good ones and eventually, you may start loving the stuff too! (I can’t wait for Football season to start!) If you care about your boyfriend, you should at least attempt to care about the things that mean the most to him…because you would expect him to do the same for you.

Now, let’s jump back for a minute to the “365 of sports”, because it brings me to my next point. My dear, you shouldn’t be spending 365 days with ANYONE!! If you hate what he’s doing so much, maybe you should pick up your own hobby and give him some space to do him. TRUST ME, I know it’s hard, but I promise you this is for the best. Why?

1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

2. You can find something enjoyable to do with your time!

3. He doesn’t have to sit there and listen to moan while he enjoys his sports.

Lastly, if you’re in a serious relationship and your man truly loves you he should be willing to compromise.  There’s nothing wrong with his love for sports, but if it really bothers you he should have some understanding. For instance, if you sit through an entire game, it’s not unreasonable to ask him to turn off the highlights and devote 100% of his attention to you for a while. You deserve it!!! And don’t you let him forget it.

 

Ask AJ – He Has Kids!!!

posted by amber

posted by Amber-Joi // 4.23.10

Hey AJ, I recently met a really cool guy that wants to take me out on a date… the catch is he has 2 kids! Do you have any advice? Should I go?

Hey! Thanks for your question! Let me start by asking, are you allergic to kids!?!  Just kidding!!!  

But seriously, if you think this guy is “really cool”, I say go for it! You’re going out on a date with him, not his kids. More importantly, I think what we tend to forget these days, is that dating is supposed to be fun! Dating (in its most early stages) is simply a way to get out, experience a new perspective, try something different, and get to know a new person. You’re not jumping into a relationship, or marriage with this guy. This is just a date! So relax, you’re not signing up to be step-mommy, yet. Go! See if you have any chemistry… but proceed with caution.

Now, if already know you’re grossly opposed to ever having a serious relationship with someone who has kids, then you shouldn’t go. You may end up making things complicated for yourself and for him. Even if he doesn’t have full custody, those kids aren’t going anywhere until they’re at least 18. You need to be realistic. If he has a baby and you can’t stand diapers, chances are there’s going to be a problem. At the end of the day, you’re replaceable, the kids are not.

On the other hand, the odds of you running into a single parent in Philadelphia are pretty high. According to a recent study, there are almost 155,000 single-parent households in this city. That’s about 22,000 men and 133,000 women. So, you’re bound to meet someone in this situation! If you think you may be able to deal with this in the future, go on your date with an open mind. If you find that you start liking this guy, you definitely want to be very conscious of his “situation”. You may want to keep the following things in mind.

How old are the kids?

What’s his relationship with the children’s mother?

How long have they been apart?

Are they really even apart? (This should really be your first question)

Is he trying to introduce you to his kids right away? (Children are sensitive and shouldn’t be meeting every date daddy has. Out of respect for his children, he shouldn’t be trying to build a relationship between yourself and his kids until there is a relationship between you and him.)

Can you handle being number 2 in his life? (A man with kid’s SHOULD make them number 1 in his life. You can’t be jealous when he needs to spend time with them.)

And here’s a big one!

Who has the kids for the majority of the time? (This is important to take into account. If he has full custody, you run the risk of turning into mommy a week later. Lol! )

The answer to the “should you go” question really comes down to what you are looking for, and what you can handle. If you’re the type of person who can go on a date with little expectation just to have fun… Go! Or, if you can see yourself eventually getting along with the kids and accepting them if the relationship gets serious … Go! However, if the “kids” situation is something you will never be able to adjust to, don’t waste your time, or his!  DON’T GO! There are MANY fish in the sea. (They are just EXTREMELY difficult to fish for sometimes).

 

Ask AJ – Where are all the men?

posted by amber

posted by Amber-Joi // 3.28.10

Dear AJ, Where can I meet a man? Where are all the nice guys?

Hey!!!  Thank you for your question. First of all, nice guys don’t exist!! Lol, just kidding.  But in reality it is REALLY tough to meet guys in Philly.  Here are a few things that I do when I want to meet some fresh man meat in the City of Brother Love. They usually work.

1)      Travel!! (haha)

2)      Reading Terminal Market (Monday –Friday between the hours of 12pm to 2pm). This is a great way to meet a professional man while he’s on his lunch break.  You’re guaranteed to find some fresh meat here, even if it’s not in the form of a male.  (This strategy also works for in the Food Court in the lower level of the Comcast Center).

3)      The Gym – The gym is full of men. And these guys tend to take great care of the bodies!! Although you’re not going to meet anyone while you’re on the treadmill with your earphones on. You have to get on the machines and free weights. Pump some iron! And don’t be afraid to ask a cutie for some “help”. I like LA Fitness but I hear that the men who work out at the Philadelphia Sporting Club at the Bellevue have it going on!!!

4)      Nightclubs I know this sounds lame but it actually works for me. You definitely don’t want the guy who comes to party EVERY weekend, but you can meet a guy in a nightclub. I’ve had great luck at G Lounge, Recess, Denim and Mur Mur in Atlantic City.

5)      The Car Show – Actually I went to the car show last year with the intention of meeting someone new and I had no luck.  But even though I didn’t meet anyone I still believe this a good  place because let’s face it, guys  love cars!!

5)     Sixers, Eagles, Phillies and Flyers games are packed with eligible bachelors!!! But they are also packed with married men so be sure to keep an eye on that ring finger.

7)      Kelly Drive – It’s not so easy to meet someone while you’re in the middle of a run but you can easily strike up a conversation with a guy while you’re stretching or warming up. This leads me to my next point…

8)      Join A Group or Organization- I just joined Students Run Philly Style a mentoring program in which adult running leaders partner with Philly youths to train for a marathon. There are a handful of handsome men in this organization and I know they have a heart because they are helping the kids. Maybe you should join me in this group, or do something similar.

9)      Ask a Friend! – Let your friends know that you are on the market and looking for someone. Just go ahead and put it out there. They can offer informed advice and they  will hold some accountability for any insanity that may ensue. They may be able to recommend some local places for you or even be able to suggest someone!!!

10)      Del Frisco’s. – Believe me girl!!! Get one or two of your girls together and make a reservation. Just don’t go in a large group, you don’t to look intimidating.  Thursday nights are particularly special at Del Frisco’s… Steakhouses are good in general. You may also want to check out Capital Grille, Butcher and Singer and Morton’s. You can almost always find an attractive established man at a steakhouse.

But let me warn you that you should take all of these suggestions with a grain of salt because honestly you could meet your dream guy at a gas station. What’s more important than the places you are going is the energy you’re putting out. If you seem too desperate you probably won’t have much luck, but on the same token if you’re too standoffish you still won’t have much luck. Just keep your eyes peeled, stay opened-minded and be yourself!!!

 

Ask AJ – “Business & Pleasure”

posted by amber

posted by Amber-Joi // 3.11.10

Hey AJ! So I recently meet someone who I am interested in, but met them through a business related circumstance. I would like to pursue them personally, but would also like to keep our business relation in tact to not lose future profitable business relations. Can you help me weigh my options and potential outcomes?

~ A young man torn between business and pleasure

Hey! Thanks so much for your question…

My rule is business first! You do not want to jeopardize a potential profitable alliance for the sake of a hot chick. If I were you, I would try to seal the business deal first. You only met her recently, so your connection can only be so strong.  At this point, your professional goals have to be more important that what can potentially ensue between you and this young lady of interest.  Ask yourself, what do you value more at the end of the day? If it’s the hot chick … well, in the words of Donald Trump himself “ YOU’RE FIRED”.

You are a young professional and she needs to understand that YOU MEAN BUSINESS. Think with your head  (no, not that one!). Futhermore, I think you will find that this lady of interest will respect your professionalism and be even more attracted to you. Play hard to get it, it will drive her nuts… Then once you have taken care of business … Take care of her.

But that’s another topic in itself. Good luck!

Do you have a dating question for AJ?

Ask her: askaj@phillyin.com

 

All My Single Ladies!!!

posted by amber

posted by Amber-Joi // 2.21.10

Hey ladies.  I’m always trying to grow as a person by identifying my strengths and weaknesses and defining my goals and passions. In this process, I came to the realization that one thing I’m great at, I mean REALLY great at, is being SINGLE. Now, I can’t take all the credit for this wonderful talent. I owe some of my expertise to the single men of Philly. Special thanks fellas, for doing what you do … which is all wrong.

But I digress, the focus of this ongoing column is being a single lady in the “City of Brotherly Love”. As an “Expert Single” I’m going to share my experiences with you all and listen to YOUR experiences too. Need advice on fun activities for single ladies, dating, or taking the next step (and I’m referring to leaving him, not getting married!)? I’m here for you, let’s go ladies!

Oh and just to clarify, I have the utmost respect for genuine love and meaningful relationships with the opposite sex and I think there is nothing that compares in this world. However, this forum is for those of us who don’t have that blessing… at the moment.

Hey Ladies, I received my first question.  Here it goes…

Q: Dear Amber-Joi, ive been dating this guy off and on for a year and half.  he has a girlfriend. and while i always said i would never be the other woman, things happened.  I really like him now.

Sincerely,

confused and in need of direction

A:  This is a simple one. Everything about this situation is dead wrong. I don’t know anything about you and I still KNOW you can do better.  Forget this man ever existed. Period. Next question please!

Single ladies, have questions? Please send them to: Contact Us

Message Line “ All My Single Ladies”.

Can’t wait to hear from you… ASK AJ!!!

Image courtesy of Dancer/ Model/ Good Friend @KimmeGeeDotCom