Hey AJ, I recently met a really cool guy that wants to take me out on a date… the catch is he has 2 kids! Do you have any advice? Should I go?
Hey! Thanks for your question! Let me start by asking, are you allergic to kids!?! Just kidding!!!
But seriously, if you think this guy is “really cool”, I say go for it! You’re going out on a date with him, not his kids. More importantly, I think what we tend to forget these days, is that dating is supposed to be fun! Dating (in its most early stages) is simply a way to get out, experience a new perspective, try something different, and get to know a new person. You’re not jumping into a relationship, or marriage with this guy. This is just a date! So relax, you’re not signing up to be step-mommy, yet. Go! See if you have any chemistry… but proceed with caution.
Now, if already know you’re grossly opposed to ever having a serious relationship with someone who has kids, then you shouldn’t go. You may end up making things complicated for yourself and for him. Even if he doesn’t have full custody, those kids aren’t going anywhere until they’re at least 18. You need to be realistic. If he has a baby and you can’t stand diapers, chances are there’s going to be a problem. At the end of the day, you’re replaceable, the kids are not.
On the other hand, the odds of you running into a single parent in Philadelphia are pretty high. According to a recent study, there are almost 155,000 single-parent households in this city. That’s about 22,000 men and 133,000 women. So, you’re bound to meet someone in this situation! If you think you may be able to deal with this in the future, go on your date with an open mind. If you find that you start liking this guy, you definitely want to be very conscious of his “situation”. You may want to keep the following things in mind.
How old are the kids?
What’s his relationship with the children’s mother?
How long have they been apart?
Are they really even apart? (This should really be your first question)
Is he trying to introduce you to his kids right away? (Children are sensitive and shouldn’t be meeting every date daddy has. Out of respect for his children, he shouldn’t be trying to build a relationship between yourself and his kids until there is a relationship between you and him.)
Can you handle being number 2 in his life? (A man with kid’s SHOULD make them number 1 in his life. You can’t be jealous when he needs to spend time with them.)
And here’s a big one!
Who has the kids for the majority of the time? (This is important to take into account. If he has full custody, you run the risk of turning into mommy a week later. Lol! )
The answer to the “should you go” question really comes down to what you are looking for, and what you can handle. If you’re the type of person who can go on a date with little expectation just to have fun… Go! Or, if you can see yourself eventually getting along with the kids and accepting them if the relationship gets serious … Go! However, if the “kids” situation is something you will never be able to adjust to, don’t waste your time, or his! DON’T GO! There are MANY fish in the sea. (They are just EXTREMELY difficult to fish for sometimes).
